before the worst // dashiell

[abraxas scorpius malfoy]

Despite all efforts to block recent events from his memory, Abraxas couldn't help but ponder on everything that had happened. He'd told two of his best friends about his sexual preference uncertainties and witnessed an argument between those two friends. One of them had been under the influence of a poorly brewed love potion that had also caused an almost intimate scenario down at the boathouse. On top of all that, he had a History of Magic essay due by the end of the week and a Transfiguration mock on Monday to revise for. For tonight however, he would put his academic pressures to one side and try to make some sense of the path he was stumbling along.

As soon as he left the Great Hall after dinner, Brax headed straight for Gryffindor Tower to sit in the common room with the intention of staying there until the morning. Potter had organised some sort of Halloween party in an empty classroom on the fourth floor and so he imagined most of his house would be going to that, even if only to cause some friction with the Slytherins that were also bound to be there. The professors had authorised it on the grounds that there was no alcohol but knowing Flint, he'd probably weaseled some in one way or another. There were a couple of first year girls sitting in the corner but aside from that, the common room was empty. After an hour or so of staring into the fireplace, they went up to their dormitory, leaving Abraxas to continue his idle observation of the flames on his own.

He knew that what had happened in the boathouse hadn't been of Dash's own volition. It was admittedly disappointing to find that what had felt like something special had simply been a potion. Then there were the things he'd said in his rage. Could a potion really produce that itself or were there some little nuggets of Dashiell's own thoughts that had simply been amplified? How much of what had happened could he really say had happened? While Abraxas was happy to try and forget it all, it probably wasn't as easy for Dash. As far as he knew, he also remembered everything that had happened and was likely to be a little embarrassed. When he was ready to talk about it then Abraxas would be there for him but until then he would just try to carry on as normal.

[dashiell jameson peakes]

Whereas Abraxas had been handling his sexuality through the function of guilt and worry, Dashiell was instead opting to drown himself in self-denial for as long as he possibly could. Dashiell had avoided the other boy for as long as he possibly could, believing that both of them needed their own space; nothing beneficial could possibly come out of a sort of confrontation so early on. He knew what had happened to him, although he was clueless as to what or why it might have happened to him. He hardly thought that he had any enemies that would have gone to such an extent to cause him displeasure. At the same time, not all of the experience had been totally terrible. This is where Dashiell employed his denial and over-compensation. Practically every day since the event, he'd employed a different female for snogging in some public place.

Dashiell had invited a particularly blonde Gryffindor student, who he had just found out was a sixth year when her tiny frame led him to believe she was only a fourth or third year. This did little to detract from the fact that he'd taken her to the party held on the fourth floor. They'd talked, danced, snogged, and eventually even found a little bit of something to loosen them up. Now, the two were laughing deviously, stumbling over each other as they sprawled into the Common Room through the open portrait-hole. The two had one of their arms around the other's waist, whilst the other hand held a glass of a clear liquid, which had a curious habit of bubbling in a horizontal fashion, rather than upward.

"Oh," Dashiell said haltingly, staring at Abraxas with a devious grin and eyes that seemed to stare through rather than at. He was mostly sober, and could think clearly. Things just seemed slightly less dangerous than they had before. It was likely that there had been no alcohol in the drink Dash had; he wasn't known for being able to keep alcohol down and as of yet he hadn't vomited. Instead, it was likely some sort of potion or tonic had been added, so as to carbonate and reduce the party-goers' anxiety. Knowing that he'd ran into a brick wall by walking into the Common Rooms where Abraxas was alone, Dash gave a slight sigh and gently pushed the girl in the direction of her dorms. "You'd best get to bed." She resisted, clearly not forgetting that just a moment before, the two had less than sleeping on their minds. He gave her a shake of the head and then she threw up her hands and gave a frustrated sound before stomping up the stairs.

"Waiting up for me?" Dashiell teased awkwardly. Already the liquids were losing their influence over his nervousness. He looked at the cup disdainfully, but deemed he'd already had enough and threw it into a trash bin. Afterward, he'd thrown himself into an armchair, with one leg dangling over the arm and his back bent over the other, facing Abraxas upside down. It felt similar to being on a broom, and therein it left him feeling slightly more comfortable than he did just having a face-to-face conversation with his friend. Sitting in such a position also helped to disguise the fact that his face was red with embarrassment as just blood draining into his head.

[abraxas scorpius malfoy]

Abraxas had done his best to try and continue as normal but Dashiell's own recovery methods made that somewhat difficult. The chaser had noticed the beater's demonstrations of his heterosexuality and decided against interrupting him on any of those occasions in order to try and test the grounds of their friendship. He hoped they'd be able to carry on being friends but Brax knew there would definitely be a strain, even if only temporarily. If they were as close as Malfoy believed they were then he knew they'd be able to work past it. They both knew that it had been the effects of a potion and if Dash hadn't been given it then it wouldn't have happened. While it had been too dramatic to completely forget about, Ab would definitely push it to one side and ignore it as best he could.

His attention was broken from the flames as he heard laughter enter the formerly silent room, save the crackling of the fire. He recognised it instantly as that of his friend though there was certainly a second individual too. A female individual. A pang of jealousy swept over him as the two Gryffindors walked into his field of vision, obviously not anticipating for him to have been sitting there. Why was he so jealous? Abraxas would have liked to think it was simply a case of wanting to be the only person, except perhaps for their other friends, that could make Dash laugh but he knew deep down there was another reason he felt a burning hatred for the blonde girl on his arm. He also knew deep down that he needed to forget all about that reason because it would never amount to anything. The girls he'd been snogging proved that perfectly.

As the girl was sent off to bed, Brax had to focus all his energy on keeping the smirk off of his lips. Dashiell had chosen him over her and it felt like something of a victory, despite believing that the only people he might ever choose over Abraxas were his relatives. It was somewhat arrogant to think in such a manner but he knew that only his own parents or siblings could come before Dash and there had been a handful of occasions when he had opted to stay at Hogwarts with whatever friends were also staying for the holidays rather than returning home.

Unable to calculate the best response to Dash's question, Abraxas instead smiled weakly at him. He abandoned his earlier intentions not to mention the recent events at all in the hope that one final reassurance would dissolve some of the awkwardness surrounding the two of them. "You know I'm not going to tell anyone. Not even Loki and I know he won't mention what little he already knows if I ask him not to." Brax hoped that Loki would have already have worked out that whatever had happened wasn't something to be discussed and would keep his knowledge that something happened between them, though he didn't know what, to himself. "If you want to talk about it, you know I'm always here. I won't bring it up again but I just wanted you to know you haven't lost me," he told the upside down boy, though uncertain as to why he was in such a position. Dashiell would never lose him.

[dashiell jameson peakes]

Working his facial muscles constantly and variedly, as if there were a hair tickling his face, Dashiell thought about what Abraxas had said. It was supposed to be comforting, calming, and stable to know that Abraxas would be willing to talk about whatever it was the two of them should have spoken about (and which Dashiell had been avoiding for quite some time), but to Dashiell, it seemed awkward and to begin such a discussion was so... mushy. Abraxas might as well have set his hands on his lap, looked Dash deeply into the eyes, and asked for him to "talk about his feelings". Dashiell wasn't so inconsiderate that he didn't care about how Abraxas felt about the not-so-recent events. In fact, much of his turmoil came from the fact that he minded what Abraxas thought or said. He minded too much. It was almost as if he were craving chocolate, and he were trying to satisfy himself with saltine crackers. It wasn't worth the effort. Most certainly, nothing was being accomplished and his craving for chocolate hadn't been quenched.

Now, there was too much blood in his head and Dashiell flipped himself back into an upward position. His back rested against one arm of the chair whereas his legs both hung over the other. Like an infant in a mother's arms, he was cradled comfortably in the seat. He stared at Abraxas piercingly as Abraxas said he hadn't lost him. Despite his best attempts, Dashiell couldn't help but to make a deep sound in his throat, finding himself a little warmer with the thought that he'd not somehow alienated Abraxas by avoiding him or by his being poisoned by the love potion gone wrong. He'd never outwardly admit that he was nervous about such things, but it was anyone's guess as to why they'd not been joined at the hip this last week.

Now that his voice had cleared, Dash was free to speak. For once, he sounded unsure and hesitant— reluctant, even. "I don't know," Dashiell began, testing the waters of his voice. Surprisingly, his voice came rather easily and without too much unsteadiness, "what to say." Dashiell looked into the fire's crackling flames, as if the answer would be spelled out in the ashes. His fingers were intertwined and his hands laid quietly on his chest. "If we both know what needs to be said, should it still need to be said?" Dashiell flipped himself such that he was sitting normally and now was searching Abraxas's face for an answer. He was not used to speaking so eloquently, and even now he began to lose the meaning of what he had asked. "I don't know what to talk about." Dashiell certainly was conflicted, but never before had he opted to "talk about" anything that bothered him seriously. He was more the sort of young man to bottle and self-analyze and doubt. So, from his biased position, anything worth talking about had been hidden conveniently outside of his conscious recognition. What happened in the Potions room — and more importantly what had happened in the dark of the boathouse — still stung freshly in his mind, but Dashiell had been determined to prove to himself that he was not to blame for the behaviour he demonstrated. Nevertheless, it was common knowledge that love potions couldn't create any false attractions, and typically just enhanced them or caused obsession.

[abraxas scorpius malfoy]

"Yeah, I suppose," Abraxas replied, unable to find a flaw in Dashiell's logic in the short amount of time he gave to contemplating it. The only problem was that he didn't know. Of course, he could have come up with plenty of possibilities but he wouldn't know which one matched what Dash had in mind. "But what is it that needs to be said?" he asked, hoping that it hadn't just been his way of saying that he didn't really want to talk about it. Brax would hate to push Dash into talking about something he'd rather keep to his own thoughts, both the events of the last few weeks and anything else, but he was sure that if he really didn't want to talk about it then he simply wouldn't and Abraxas would be fine with that.

"To be honest, I don't know either. I haven't really been in any situations like this before," the Gryffindor replied though uncertain if the way he had phrased it made everything sound worse than it had been. Though he felt somewhat guilty for admitting it, even if he had only done so to himself so far, Abraxas had liked the boathouse incident. "If it makes you feel any better, your obsessiveness didn't bother me too much." Brax wasn't sure if Dashiell knowing he had unintentionally done something good would fulfill his intentions but now that he'd said it, he doubted it would be beneficial. "But obviously I prefer the normal you. He's a lot less... shouty." Abraxas winced slightly at his poor attempts to stimulate a conversation of the topic. "I think I'm just going to stop talking now."

[dashiell jameson peakes]

"I meant we don't have to actually say what happened, do we?" Childishly, Dashiell would have felt embarrassed by mentioning such things aloud, whereas it was okay to just allude to them. The idea of Abraxas finding himself in a lot of situations like the one the two were sharing was adorably comical. While Dash never would have thought of his friend to be too awkward or especially lonely, he'd never think of him as someone who got around. Now that there was the quicksand of potential interest mixed into their brotherly comradery, he was thankfull for this. Abraxas's loyalty would have meant nothing had he been trashing around, the way Dashiell had been pretending to do with the girls of recent.

"No don't stop talking!" Perhaps, he was a bit too eager to tell Abraxas this, for Dashiell found himself reddening slightly after realising how quickly he'd spoken. He might not have been excellent at this sort of talking, but Abraxas was pretty smart and was managing to get somewhere. If he were to stop talking, things would remain uncomfortable. Possibly, the relationship would be worse off than before. The can of worms had been opened, and until Dashiell managed to swallow them all in his guilt, he'd not truly begin to move on.

"Less shouty?" Dash made a low thinking sound in his throat, and then answered very slowly and hesitantly. "What if. . . he shouted less?" It was awkward to talk in such a point-of-view, but the question was there nonetheless, and it made Dashiell feel less pressured; the question seemed less personal with the third-person pronoun than it would have if he'd used the word "I". The largest of the worms slid its way into Peakes's stomache, and there it flopped and turned with a flavour of dread as the boy awaited his friend's response. If Dashiell had more control over himself, since he was no longer under the control of a potion, would Abraxas be interested in being more than friends? The beater wasn't sure, and even if he was, how was he to know whether or not he'd be happy with being more than friends with Abraxas? So many questions made him feel queasy as he glanced into the fire, opting to look at it rather than at Malfoy. If the blonde boy with the bright eyes were to oppose or reject, Dashiell wasn't interested in seeing his facial expression.

[abraxas scorpius malfoy]

Oh, that. Now that Abraxas was on the same wavelength as Dashiell, he could use his prior logic to ascertain as to whether or not they needed to discuss it. "No, I don't think so. As we were both there and involved in what happened then we can probably skirt around that." It wasn't necessarily that Brax didn't want to discuss exactly what had happened but as his friend had pointed out just moments ago, there was no point in saying what they both already knew. If the potion had affected Dash's memory then they might have been justified in talking about it but Abraxas would probably have avoided the truth to therefore avoid the beater's absence for the past week. It had felt extremely weird not having him there, even though his other friends had been around.

Brax was somewhat taken aback by the sudden request to continue talking. He'd been sure that he was simply making the matter worse with his poorly thought out attempts at reassurance. "Erm... okay?" Abraxas realised at this point that there had been some subtle suggestion in his own words that he had an interest in Dashiell. It wasn't something he had intended to express, having strictly forbidden himself from doing so or even having that interest in the first place. Would they have worked together anyway? He wasn't a huge fan of reading but his mother was and always insisted upon discussing her most recent novel over dinner. It was more of a monologue in which he feigned interest than a discussion but he had listened enough to note that any relationship between close friends was doomed to fail. Besides, there was no point getting his hopes up over someone that would never find him attractive.

"What if. . . he shouted less?" It was a rather roundabout suggestion but Abraxas believed he'd picked up on what the beater was trying to say. He would usually have rejected it as a misinterpretation caused by his prior thoughts about them being more than just best friends. In this case, he allowed himself to entertain the possibility that he had received the sentence as was intended. For a short moment, he panicked that he hadn't brewed the cure properly or that Dash had eaten another cookie in his distress before Brax had been able to retrieve them. It wouldn't have made sense though. The chaser had gone directly to Gryffindor Tower from the dungeons and hadn't passed Dashiell on the way up. The cookies had been removed immediately and even if he had, he'd avoided Brax for the past week or so but that seemed to be quite the opposite of what the botched potion had done before.

Though there were perhaps other paths that Abraxas could have wandered down, he opted for the one that he thought Dash was pointing towards. "Then I think I might like him very much," he replied, also finding it somewhat easier to speak of Dashiell as if he were a third individual outside of the room. His eyes became focused on the beater's face as he awaited a reaction, knowing that all he could do now was hope he had been correct in his reception of Dash's question. "But he's interested in girls and I don't quite fit that description," he added as an afterthought so as to provide some sort of padding in case it all backfired on him. If Dash was simply exploring the possibility that Abraxas was attracted to him then he didn't want to make it obvious. He wouldn't stand to lose his friend and that would place an inevitable strain on their relationship.

[dashiell jameson peakes]

It was relieving to hear that Abraxas was willing to let the past be the past, rather than having to speak it and therein make it a terrible scar they’d have to acknowledge each time they interacted. In this way, it’d be very hard to ever return to the friends they were. Dashiell had no doubt, deep within the core of his being that they’d be able to move past this rocky time in their friendship. Already, even though he was just beginning to leave his childhood behind him, Dash could imagine the two friends old and grey, wizened and wise. Classic of two old wizards, he pictured them in some green area, as if a park, and playing wizard’s chess. Without a doubt, Abraxas had him beat. He always did, and even ages from now, he still would. Dashiell was absolutely terrible at that sort of logic. Thus was the power of friendship. On the other hand, something was slightly askew with the mental picture in Dash’s head. Although the two men were simply playing a game of wizard’s chest, their eyes held stories of very strong fondness, and Dash’s growing affections for Brax surfaced once again in his thoughts and day dreaming.

With Dashiell’s best control, he still managed to let his heart jump deeply inside of him, excited and terrified all at the same time. The prospect of Abraxas very much liking him if he were a more amiable version of the poisoned boy he had been not to long ago was bold and new, as if an innovative Quidditch broom. Similarly, Dashiell secretly wanted to test-drive Abraxas’s interest. He was thrilled with the new twists and turns he could make, and his memories of the boathouse were nothing but pleasant, as pushy and inappropriate as he had been. He’d tried to cover this pleasant memory with guilt or denial, but already neither had proven useful. He knew that he shouldn’t have, but he’d grown warm at the thought. How did such things even progress from where they were? After all, with the females, they were most often actively open to being whores, and there was no queston as to when one was interested in being anything apart from Housemates. Now, Dashiell was adorably in the dark, having no idea as to what to do with himself. If there was some sort of ritual he should have followed to show his nervous interest, he wasn’t aware of it. So, he did the only thing he could think of.

Slowly, and unsteadily, Dashiell rose himself from his armchair in a fell, graceful movement. His muscles were used to movement enough to make such tiny movements seem elegant enough, without losing their shape. Dashiell slipped himself onto the arm of where Abraxas was sitting, his legs dangling over the edge. He looked at his friend actively, from head to toes, and then back into Abraxas’s eyes. “I think I am... willing to change my requirements, for you. The potion cannot create feelings.” He’d deserted the third person, instead willing himself to face to tension of the moment fully. The words were slow, halting, and soft-voiced, but to Dashiell, they fell out of his mouth before he’d even realized what he said. He immediately wished he could take them back. His eyes looked away, to the table, to the chair he’d been sitting in prior, to the fire. If Abraxas was just trying to make him happy and wasn’t truly interested in being anything more than friends (maybe he was only asking that Dashiell never yell at him again), then Dashiell had just opened himself unnecessarily. He was not used to being the vulnerable one. It was one reason he’d valued his position as the Quidditch Beater so much. He threw around the injuries rather than received them. He looked at Abraxas, and his fears died; he was silly to have thought, even for a second, that Abraxas would poke hurtfully at him. He knew better. To hide this unfaithfulness, disloyalty to Abraxas’s person, Dashiell chose to smile radiantly for him.

[abraxas scorpius malfoy]

Abraxas watched Dashiell closely as he moved to sit beside him, albeit slightly higher. He’d never allowed himself to really identify the features of his friend that made him so attractive though he had always recognised him as a good-looking guy, even if this hadn’t always been because he’d personally mound him appealing. He’d slipped up at the boathouse but the somewhat strange circumstances led him to excuse this. Besides, if it hadn’t really been Dashiell doing those things then surely they could argue that it hadn’t happened if they presented the actual Dash. It was all rather confusing but it had at least provided some sort of first step for them.

”I didn’t realise it worked like that,” Brax replied. His comment was perhaps a little unnecessary but he was intrigued to know as to whether Dash would indefinitely be interested in him or if he’d get bored after a while and jump back with a girl. Then again, there had been no mention of a relationship which was just as well seeing as they’d both been rather cryptic. He smiled back up at Dash before pulling him down to his level in an almost embrace. ”If you’re trying to be romantic, it’s adorable. And if I’m being completely thick and misinterpreting, you have permission to punch me in the face.” In all honesty, he’d probably punch himself in the face if he’d misinterpreted. It would perhaps have been wiser to confirm what Dash had meant before practically hugging him.

Realising that it was probably a little weird, Abraxas released his hold and shuffled across to allow Peakes more room. He wasn’t entirely certain what page this put them on or if they were even reading from the same book. Brax would obviously need to figure out if being with Dash would be a sensible option. Neither of them were out to the majority and Abraxas wasn’t even sure exactly what Dashiell would be open about. Even if they did have a secret relationship there was the issue of whether or not they’d be able to manage with going from such close friends to something more. Abraxas was evidently unfamiliar with anything of such a nature and trust Dashiell to make the sensible judgements.

[dashiell jameson peakes]

"Well, it's not like we have to sign any papers or something. We can just try to let things just happen and if we don't like it stop." Dashiell spoke only after allowing himself to be pulled down mainly into Abraxas and then scooted away from. He'd known Abraxas for going on five years fully now, and while he grew to be able to predict the other boys' actions and responses, he was still occasionally being surprised by Abraxas's own choices. Nevertheless, never judging was he, instead opting either to go roughly his own way, hard-head forward. He was always okay to follow his own gut (since things such as working at intelligence were often time-consuming and more difficult), but the idea of being able to rely on Abraxas was nothing new. He knew that what was happening currently, on that fluffy furnature in the Common Room, was as much a testament to this as anything else. In some ways this conversation was just as intimate as their boathouse encounter, although Dash's male-mind would never admit to this.

"Or," Dashiell grinned like a cheshire cat as he hopped off the spot where Abraxas pulled him, "should I start some sort of courting ritual?" He dropped to one knee and held one hand to his chest whilst the other splayed in the air, as if holding the moon. Now, he was being silly; such Shakespearean shows of emotion were not him and already what he had said had him feeling corny. If he could not laugh at himself, then he could not laugh at anything. He stayed kneeling where he was whilst Abraxas finished talking. When finally he rose up and sat next to Abraxas again, a little closer than before.

"You worry way too much. Do you think that I would be so naive to unknowingly lead you to some false conclusion?" He thought Abraxas to smarter of the two of them. If Abraxas were nervous about anything, it was apt to have Dashiell believing that there was something he should also be nervous for, but simply didn't acknowledge. He was determined to soothe his doubts. Dash frowned accusingly and moved his lowered eyebrows very closely to Abraxas's face. He let his face relax and whispered softly to him. "If you think that is romantic, I think you have a lot to learn..."

[abraxas scorpius malfoy]

Abraxas nodded to Dashiell's explanation of how they would go about doing whatever it was they were going to do. He supposed the most appropriate term would be 'relationship' but it was rather a foreign concept to the Malfoy child. He had naturally witnessed relationships between his classmates and occasionally pondered upon what it would feel like to have one of his own. Now in that position, he found it extremely odd. He didn't look at Dash any differently to how he had done before and it could have been easy to forget the outcome of this interaction when passing him in the corridor. That said, they were usually walking alongside each other and it was unlikely that they'd be apart long enough to forget. There had however been the past week of hardly speaking to one another; how would they explain that to anybody that asked why? He refused to state that they'd fallen out because everything surrounding those spiked cookies was complicated. It would be far easier to link it to their school work. Could they get away with having spent time apart to see if it would improve their grades and then, after realising that it made little difference, have resumed their inseparability? It was plausible and thus would suffice.

A frown crossed the Gryffindor's face as his friend dropped to the floor. This was shortly replaced with raised eyebrows at his performance and an accompanying laugh. "I think you could probably get away with less theatrical behaviour," Brax said, not entirely sure what he should refer to his actions as. There was also the risk of someone witnessing it and spreading it like wildfire. Though Abraxas was by no means ashamed to be romantically involved with Dashiell, he wasn't sure when it was the right time for other people to know. Thus far he'd only told two people about his sexuality and Dash had only told him in a roundabout way. Loki would perhaps have been the best person to start with but after the whole dungeon incident, it was probably best to give him a little time to get his head around it all before another bombshell was dropped on him. When Peakes was ready for people to know then Abraxas would be right at his side, providing things worked out fortunately enough for them to be in such a position.

"I don't know, I just didn't want to jump to any conclusions that were going to make me look stupid," he replied as Dashiell returned to his seat beside him. There was a slight awkwardness to his nature in that he felt he was supposed to wrap his arm around Dash or something of that variety but didn't want to seem forward or get something wrong. Doing things now and worrying about the consequences later wasn't exactly his strong suit. Paranoia and worrying on the other hand, that he was very good at. "Bear in mind I've only had gossip and Mum's accounts of soppy romance novels to build my understanding from," he replied with a smile. It was somewhat scary how normal everything felt and Abraxas put this down to the fact that it hadn't quite sunk in yet. The next moment he got alone would probably be spent jumping around in excitement but until then he would simply concentrate on not screwing up.

[dashiell jameson peakes]

“Good, because I do not really understand any of those old stories, although I know of a Muggleborn who fawns over them.” As if Dashiell would spend his time analyzing the language of old. He had no spare time for such things and recently his mind wasn’t exactly all in one place the last couple of days. If Dashiell hadn’t known that the party which busied most of the House was only beginning to heat up, then perchance he wouldn’t have made such a joke for Abraxas. Nevertheless, even if someone had walked into the common room, Dash would have easily been able to turn the tables and simply sold the over-the-top performance as teasing Abraxas about proposing his love to a new girlfriend. Dashiell wasn’t the best in his classes, but he was quickly-thinking and eagle-eyed. He was also very street smart and happened to be a good judge of character. He’d not been incorrect in making the friends he had.

“Stop wanting or not wanting. Just do. Really, I don’t know how you don’t feel sick, if you worry so much? I could hardly stand it from this past week.” Whoops. Dashiell hadn’t heavily intended on avoiding the fact that he’d tried to keep his mind off of his feelings for Abraxas the last week, but now that he'd outwardly admitted that it had bothered him to sneak around and pair up with other Gryffindors during classroom exercises, to spend his time pressing his lips against that of a finicky female, when really his mind kept slipping precariously to thoughts of Abraxas... Dashiell felt slightly embarrassed and his face felt warm. Part of the charm of spending so much time away from Abraxas was to watch his reactions when he thought Dash wasn't watching. In the end, a dark, possessive part of the beater hoped that Brax was envious and hurt. Unfortunately he didn't seem to be able to catch Abraxas to be too phased, and it was difficult enough to handle being in the same room. When he'd moved from female to female and Abraxas seemed not to notice, Dash took relish at least in the fact that Abraxas hadn't been whoring himself around in such a fashion.

"Forget everything your mum has told you." It was not advice, but a command. Peakes looked intently at Abraxas, "Or you'll have a weird idea of what things are supposed to be like. We'll just be... us. No weird stigma or pressure behind it, you know? So long as we're not like... in class or something, we'll just do whatever we want unless the other complains or doesn't want to. I don't care about others. We don't have to rush into things and make them 'official' or something crazy. There's no rules to follow here." Insightful as ever, without truly understanding it, Dashiell was possessed into speaking of his simple philosophy of life while he reclined against Abraxas very carefully, as if he were a bomb. It had been the very first contact he'd had since awakening from his be-potioned state and he had to work on not getting chills like a drug addict. The thought was humourous, nonetheless.

"There's no rush now that I'm not desperate to have you in the boathouse." The curse was broken, and the night remembered.

[abraxas scorpius malfoy]

"Yeah, I never was a huge fan of Shakespeare. Did my head in when we had to read Macbeth in third year." The way Muggles perceived magic was almost comical, if only because they had no idea what they were talking about. Long gone were the days when wizards and Muggles lived peacefully alongside each other and Abraxas doubted that it would change in his lifetime. People were scared of what they didn't understand, Brax included, and he was willing to bet that even most wizards couldn't explain how magic worked in a scientific manner. The Malfoy was truly amazed at how the Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee managed to come up with coherent excuses for their less aware cousins.

Dashiell's philosophy had always been very different from his own. Where the beater could jump into things without too much thought, the chaser was always concerned with what the consequences of his actions would be. One of his biggest flaws was that he was constantly worried about what people thought of him and so a substantial amount of his effort went into making sure he acted in an unsurprising manner. "I don't enjoy it, trust me," Abraxas replied, deciding to ignore what Dash had said about the past week until he'd had a few moments to process it. Why had he been so unbearably worried? He could understand why he'd be a little apprehensive about how their first post-potion interaction would play out but he thought he'd made it clear previously that he'd always be his friend. It was probably nothing in particular and simply a culmination of all the smaller pressures that had thrown his head all over the place.

Brax laughed as his mother's influence was dismissed by Dash. "Forgotten," he replied simply before allowing Peakes to continue. It made sense for them to just go about things however it felt best for them. After all, they were the only two people involved and so why did it matter what somebody else thought was the better way to go about it? He could understand not diving in head first and other snippets of advice he'd overhead during his years at Hogwarts but as Dashiell had said, there wasn't a particular set of rules to be followed. So that meant they were... going out? Abraxas felt inclined to ask in order to confirm his assumption but the conversation appeared to point quite obviously at it and so he wouldn't. If they both knew what needed to be said then it didn't need to be said, right?

As Dash initiated physical contact with him, Brax was reminded of their boathouse meeting and this was further encouraged by the actual mention of the incident. Though Dashiell had been under the influence of a love potion, Abraxas hadn't. He'd known exactly what had been happening and hadn't objected. Did that qualify as taking advantage of him? He certainly hoped not. The last thing he wanted was to push Dashiell into anything he wasn't ready for. Neither of them were sixteen as it was but he supposed there was less of an issue if they reached that stage before the aforementioned birthday as neither of them possessed the ability to fall pregnant. "Well when we're ready, give me a prod and we can give that another go." It was perhaps strange to be thinking ahead when they'd literally only just expressed an interest in one another but was it not better for them both to know from the start that there was no pressure for anything of that manner?

[dashiell jameson peakes]

“Honestly, I just blabbed on about the tragic parts of that play and got pretty good marks on the exam, considering. Sometimes the Professors are a bit easy to bluff through.” It was definitely Dashiell's style to talk about their relationship one second and then go into a conversation about such topics as the writings of Shakespeare the very next second. A contradiction of himself, he'd always seem to fluctuate from calm and at rest to excited and animated. Like hot glass, he deceivingly appeared to be cool, until grasped firmly. There was a warmth deep within that others either determined to be burning of warming, depending upon their personalities. The idea that Abraxas and he had been friends for so long seemed to rest as evidence that Abraxas would be able to handle such emotions.

“I'll make you a deal. You can tell me about everything which bothers you and makes you feel nervous. And then you won't have to take the weight all yourself. It isn't going to magically help you any – Do you know a spell for that? - but at least you'll be able to talk about it.” Dash thought he knew most of which Brax was bothered by, but the idea that his friend was just very excellent at keeping his troubles a secret was more than plausible. Dashiell knew that Abraxas was pretty smart, but the idea that he couldn't truly understand all of what Brax said was slightly what made him so attractive. He was always proud of his friend in his accomplishments, awkward boathouse moment or not.

“Now,” The dark-haired boy began softly, “it is probably safer to save prodding for later... You know, when we've traversed all the other areas to be.. err, explored. We'll be like adventurers.” It was perhaps a little corny (and a little furtive) to use such language, but Dashiell wasn't too bashful of an individual. He'd be perfectly willing to own up to his feelings for Abraxas, but only with time. The challenge of such commitments was not to be overlooked, and until he knew that there was more than just “experimenting” taking place, he would remain cautious and wait. When... when Abraxas and he were ready, then he would face any potential prejudices as the came, like bludgers flying at him. Abraxas would be his beater bat and broom. The idea that Dashiell was suggesting that they wait proved only how he was willing to be patient, so as to treat the situation seriously.

Taking a breath and deciding that the party wasn't even yet half way through its life when he'd left, Dashiell thought it would be safe to lean against Abraxas more heavily, his left shoulder placed against him and head on his friend's shoulder. With his right hand on Abraxas's upper arm he spoke. “Is this okay? Would you rather we go to the dorms just in case? I don't want you to be uncomfortable or worried while we talk.”

[abraxas scorpius malfoy]

”I just about managed to scrape an A by chucking in everything and hoping something was right.” That was always his method when he got stuck with a piece of work and it hadn’t failed him yet, providing having an essay to hand in qualified as success. He might have got a higher grade on some pieces for being more authoritative and cutting the rubbish out but he’d only failed a handful of times. His strength had always been in the practical rather than the theory and so his final grade at the end of the year always seemed to balanced out.

"It would help, I think, to be able to tell you literally everything. Apollo doesn't really demonstrate much of an appreciation but then he's probably sick of my incessant worrying." For some reason, Abraxas had always confided in his owl before anyone else. He could just about understand what was being said, or else pretend to do so, without judging the Gryffindor boy and there was something strangely comforting about that. Abraxas most feared how people would react after he told them something and so perhaps it wasn't all that strange after all. ”I suppose the biggest worry is that you’re going to decide you’re not interested in me like this. Or that you’re going to imprison yourself within it just to make me happy,” Abraxas replied, doubtful that Dash had meant to tell him everything at that precise moment but, as he had done in the showers, speaking anyway before giving enough thought to the situation. ”You don’t have to say anything to that,” he added, wishing he’d run it by Apollo first. ”But I’ll tell you everything as it comes up if that’s what you want me to do.”

A childish grin spread across his face as Dashiell spoke and Abraxas attributed two reasons to this smile. The first was obvious for the humorous angle to what had been said but the second was more subtle. There was something vaguely reassuring about the fact that Dash envisaged them getting to that stage and Brax would make a point to remind himself of this whenever he began to doubt how long they would last for. ”Sounds logical. As there’s nobody around, I’ll take the opportunity to tick off one of those areas,” Malfoy replied in an attempt to apply the same poetic sense as Peakes had before pecking him lightly on the cheek. ”Yeah, this is… nice. Very nice. Besides, I trust your ability to play it off as nothing if someone walks in and I’ll just focus on not blushing like a plum.” It would perhaps hurt a little to have to lie to everyone, or at least pretend as if nothing had changed between the two boys, but he wouldn’t be offended by Dash denying it if someone caught on.