before the worst // dashiell

[dashiell jameson peakes]

Why were they still discussing literature and grades? Dashiell couldn't really remember his line of thought as far as it went, although he knew that he had a strong part in initiating the conversation. He must have been more nervous in this conversation with Malfoy— his Malfoy, the one that allowed him to sit so closely and had withstood his harassment whilst he was poisoned and still wanted to pursue a relationship — than he had realized, in order to prattle on about school work. In honesty, he'd never let himself get too worried about his work. Had he forgotten to read a section of a book? No worries, someone else would fill him in. Did he not list the possible side effects of heating a certain potion up to a specific temperature as he was told to? He could deal with the consequences. Now that things were changing, as everything indeed was doing so and quite too quickly to keep up with, Dashiell doubted himself. Formerly a self-assured sort of boy, he found himself in an awkward position. Dashiell was satisfied with his simplistic relationship (or whatever he had) with Abraxas, but he couldn't help but to worry that he wasn't going to be able to keep up with Brax. After all, if Abraxas had great plans for his future, Dashiell would feel a bit as if he were holding Abraxas back. Currently he placated himself with thoughts of how their interaction might not last past tomorrow during midafternoon, although his gut told him otherwise.

Dashiell smiled when Abraxas agreed to tell him all of his troubles. He fancied himself a sort of protector and someone who could help share in his friend's pain. He'd forgotten who Apollo was before remembering after a split second, rectifying his confused face with a knowing nod. "I would love to hear it. I mean, chances are I have nothing else to do and it'll probably interest me. Not to mention I don't want you all frazzle-minded and tense... " The idea of Dashiell tossing Abraxas away like a broken quill was laughable, although he looked more disturbed by the idea than humoured. Clearly this was a sizeable doubt for Abraxas. It needed to be addressed the best he could. "Well, I don't know what the future will bring. We'll have to take it each step... but I don't think you're likely to bore me or anything... and have you ever known me to do anything I didn't want to do? Even those past weeks, when I wasn't myself, some part of me wanted a form of what happened. Just maybe not to those extremes. So yes, that's what I want you to do."

In comparison to Dashiell, Abraxas wasn't nearly as impulsive. Yet, when he leaned in to brush his lips over Peakes's cheek, Dashiell couldn't help but to be startled and turn slightly scarlet. Luckily last year's tan would have helped to hide his flushed colour. He heat of his skin and sheepish smile would have given it away, nonetheless. The girl he'd brought home from the party — what was her name again? — would have been willing to do much more for him, but her affection was unwanted, like a desperate daughter wishing for attention from a too-busy father. Dashiell was actually as equally as interested in spending time with Abraxas as Abraxas was in spending time with Dashiell.

"A pretty plum you would make." Dashiell laughed breathily, imagining his friend to be the colour of a plum. Something told him such a skin colour wouldn't have complimented his eye colour. "Yes, I think I could play anything off. I'm a great actor, really, if that is what you need." He gave an unwanted yawn, stretching out like a cat, flexing his scapulae in the process. He didn't want to be tired, but the conversation and the emotional toll it was taking was exhausting. Most probably, he was in a semi-asleep high, not really processing the fact that he was just kissed by a friend that was now his potential boyfriend. Was he able to use that word? Yes, yes he was, for Brax was indeed his.

He frowned childishly at his fair-haired fun. "I think I am going to head to bed though. Otherwise what'sherface will probably come back down in hopes of dragging me off and there'll be a problem when she discovers I've fallen asleep on top of you." He rose from the comfortable furniture and the room seemed colder as he left Abraxas's touch and rubbed his tired eyes.

[abraxas scorpius malfoy]

Up until now, Abraxas' plans had mostly been getting through school and then thinking about what he'd do next when it came to it. He wasn't usually the type to just let things play out and deal with whatever cards he was given but when he didn't know what to do instead then that was the only option available to him. There were plenty of career paths open to him, providing he achieved a good set of results, but he now realised why none of them appealed to him. For one, he'd been hoping that the other boys would all pick their careers and then Brax could convince himself that he also wanted to do that job so as not to be separated from his closest friends. The other reason however, which had only recently made itself apparent, was that he didn't really care so long as he was happy with the rest of his life. At least for the time being, that meant being with Dash - the boy who always seemed to know what he was thinking, even when he didn't really know himself, the boy who would never tell his secrets or spread rumours about him, the boy who did so much for him just by being there that Brax could never hope to fully repay him. So long as Dashiell was in his future, whether that be just as a friend or something more, Abraxas was sure everything would be okay.

The Malfoy nodded in confirmation as Dash further established his request. It would certainly feel a little weird to begin with, seeing as he hadn't told his friend absolutely everything in the past, but he couldn't deny that it would be better for his own mental health. He'd confided in Dashiell countless times before and nobody else had ever known of their secret, not even the other boys in their group or dormitory. Besides, wasn't he supposed to tell him more now that he was his boyfriend? Use of such a term was another foreign concept to Abraxas but not one that he was completely opposed to. While their relationship might not have been the most conventional, Brax supposed that the same language could still be applied even if there was no guarantee that what they had just agreed upon would last. Having never been with anyone before, Brax wasn't exactly an expert on how to go about things or how things were supposed to seem different, providing that they would. Despite having agreed that they would simply do whatever felt right for them, he was curious as to what that would be like. Would he, if they were alone, kiss him every morning when they first spoke or would they simply smile and say good morning as they had always done before? Would he, if they were alone, hold his hand as they walked through the common room or would they simply walk alongside each other as they had always done before? Whatever was to happen would surely become apparent to Abraxas in due course but until then he wouldn't spend any time worrying about it, if not to convince Dash that he was reducing his anxiety then because there weren't any consequences for him to be afraid of.

It was somewhat unusual for Abraxas to have made the first move but Dashiell had always given him a certain increase in confidence. Even so, he was rather surprised at what he'd done though it wasn't necessarily a negative thing. Brax would probably have been happy to go along with more but knew it was certainly too soon for that. After all, Dash had said himself that it was probably best to explore before doing anything major. Abraxas had only just discovered that his friend was interested in him like that, except of course for their boathouse interaction, and he believed Dash had only just discovered it himself. While they might get there eventually, exactly when he couldn't say, now wasn't the time and Brax would happily settle for the first steps. He was disappointed when the boy moved away from his side, when their physical contact was broken, but the beater soon explained. "Okay, I'll come up too. I've got a Transfiguration essay that I'm planning to write tomorrow so I could do with the sleep. Plus there's no point me sitting down here on my own." A smile crossed his lips as Dash mentioned the girl he'd come back to the common room. He would have loved nothing more than to see her face as she discovered who could have been a good time asleep on another boy. The only problem with that was that she would then have known, or at least could have guessed, that there was something of a romantic involvement between the two fifth years. While he tried to avoid stereotyping or being judgemental, Abraxas doubted that a girl who was willing to sleep with someone for the sake of it would be able to keep quiet. The chaser stood up shortly after Peakes had done so to follow him up to the dormitories.